MIKE GULLIVER

Deaf geographies, and other worlds.

It’s been a year

Some of you will know that, on the 19th January 2017, my wife moved out to live with someone else. I’d known it was coming for a while and had pretty much come to terms with the situation, but that didn’t make things any easier. I took the decision, at that point, to pull right back on most of my areas of non-crucial interaction. I needed as much energy as I could get for what was going on inside my own head, family and life. Some of us cope and grieve in public, some in private. I’m one of the latter.

At around the same time, we (in the research group) heard that we didn’t get a grant that we’d applied for, and my job as a researcher also came to an end. Without a partner to hold things together while I looked for alternatives I needed to find a job – quickly, locally (since I now share the children with someone who won’t move with me), and well-paid enough to allow me to secure the house on my own! I was offered some part-time academic work, but not enough, and not quickly or long-term enough, so I had to turn it down and spend most of the year stitching a variety of other work together into a more stable contract.

That took most of the year. In the meantime, I had to learn how to live by a new rhythm; in which I was a single parent half the time, and a single person the other half, and work out how – in the midst of that – to fly solo on not only all the normal day to day things, but also school holidays, and summer holidays, and after-school clubs, and birthdays, and Christmas!

And wait… until my head came back into shape, and I found mental space to work out what my expectations and aspirations should be, and then think about how to start working towards them again in very different conditions, and from a very different starting point.

It’s been a year, to the day. And, having had ups and downs, I’m in a much better place than I was last January.

And so I’m taking some small steps to re-engage with some of the things that I gave up a year ago. And one of the things I want to do is start to gently breathe life into this blog.

I’m not quite sure what form it will now take.

If it’s anything like me, it’ll be quite different.

 

8 comments on “It’s been a year

  1. Charlie Swinbourne
    January 19, 2018

    All the best to you Mike, sorry to hear of what happened but well done for getting through it. Onwards and upwards. Good to see you’re back as well! Charlie

  2. Martin
    January 19, 2018

    Good to see, Mike.

  3. Jude Caldwell
    January 19, 2018

    You have my sympathy and empathy Mike. Having been down that road, all I can tell you is that it will be all right in the end. When people said that to
    me I used to retort huffily “well how do you know?” Now I know how they knew; you and your ex partner both love your children and want the best for them. You are both sensible educated people. Therefore, it absolutely will be ok. Many years on, my ex-husband and I are actually friends again, like we should always have stayed.

  4. Laurie Sanders
    January 20, 2018

    You have been in our prayers at this difficult time. Looking forward to hearing what you have to say again as you find your voice.

  5. admin
    January 21, 2018

    Hi Mike, welcome back. Sounds like you’ve had a tough year, so well done on coming this far. It can’t have been easy, but I know you’re an amazing parent and that you work hard. Keeping my fingers crossed that this year turns out better for you. Feel free to get in touch any time. All my best, Melissa

  6. Serge BERNARD
    January 23, 2018

      Salut Mike !   Tiens bon. Le meilleur à toi Serge BERNARD – Poitiers        > Message du 19/01/18 16:33 > De : “MIKE GULLIVER” > A : serge.bernard15@libertysurf.fr > Copie à : > Objet : [New post] It’s been a year > >WordPress.com

    Mike Gulliver posted: “Some of you will know that, on the 19th January 2017, my wife moved out to live with someone else. I’d known it was coming for a while and had pretty much come to terms with the situation, but that didn’t make things any easier. I took the decision, at th”

  7. Mary Beth Kitzel
    February 5, 2019

    Happy to see you back here, amigo. Have missed you. Let’s chat soon, ok?

  8. John Williams
    April 15, 2020

    Dear Mike,

    Not sure if this thing will reach you . Get in touch if it does.
    JW

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This entry was posted on January 19, 2018 by in Musings.

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